🌸You’re Not Asking for Too Much.You’re Just Asking the Wrong People.

💕 By Katy Rivers

Choosing yourself doesn’t require permission.

There’s a sentence many people whisper to themselves late at night:

“Maybe I’m just asking for too much.”

Too much support.
Too much understanding.
Too much effort.
Too much care.

And over time, that thought starts to feel like truth.

So you soften your needs.
You explain yourself better.
You ask more politely.
You lower the bar just enough that it doesn’t feel embarrassing to want what you want.

But here’s something I want you to hear clearly:

Wanting basic respect, emotional safety, or consistency is not “too much.”

What’s happening instead is quieter — and more painful.

You’re asking people who can’t meet you there.

When love teaches you to minimize yourself

Most people don’t learn this pattern in romantic relationships first.

They learn it in families.

You learn it when:

• You’re told to “be the bigger person”

• Your feelings are brushed off as “sensitive”

• Boundaries are framed as selfishness

• You’re expected to keep the peace, no matter the cost to yourself

So you adapt.

You become low-maintenance.
You stop bringing things up.
You tell yourself “this is just how they are.”

And slowly, without meaning to, you start treating your needs like an inconvenience.

The truth about boundaries

Boundaries are not punishments.
They’re not ultimatums.
They’re not acts of cruelty.

Boundaries are information.

They say:

• This is what I need to feel safe.

• This is what I can participate in.

• This is where I stop abandoning myself.

When someone consistently reacts with guilt, anger, or dismissal when you set a boundary, that’s not because your boundary is wrong.

It’s because it disrupts a dynamic that worked for them.

Not everyone gets access to every part of you

This can be one of the hardest truths to accept:

Love doesn’t automatically equal access.

Someone can care about you and still be incapable of:

• Emotional accountability

• Respecting your limits

• Showing up consistently

• Hearing “no” without taking it personally

And you’re allowed to adjust how much of yourself they get.

Less explanation.
Less emotional labor.
More space.

That isn’t cold.
That’s clarity.

You’re allowed to stop over-explaining

If you’ve ever found yourself:

• Writing long messages justifying your feelings

• Rehearsing conversations in your head

• Explaining the same boundary again and again

• Hoping this time they’ll finally understand

Please hear this gently:

People who want to respect you don’t require a dissertation.

They don’t need perfect wording.
They don’t need you to suffer quietly first.
They listen the first time.

A softer way forward

You don’t need to cut people off dramatically.
You don’t need to confront everyone.
You don’t need to prove anything.

Sometimes growth looks like:

• Saying less

• Choosing distance without drama

• Letting go of the need to be understood

• Turning toward the people who meet you naturally

The right people won’t make you feel like your needs are a burden.

They won’t make you shrink to stay connected.

They won’t require you to betray yourself to belong.

One last thing 💕

If you’ve been carrying guilt for wanting more care, more effort, or more respect — let this be your permission to put it down.

You are not asking for too much.

You’re just learning who to stop asking.

And that’s not loss.

That’s self-trust.

A Small Way to Support Yourself Right Now 💗

If this message resonated, sometimes the most healing support is something small, grounding, and just for you — a daily reminder that your needs matter and your nervous system deserves care too.

I’ve linked a simple, comforting option here that many people use during quiet moments of reflection or emotional reset:

A weighted blanket for anxiety relief and emotional comfort on Amazon

It’s a gentle way to create a sense of safety and calm while you continue choosing yourself, honoring your boundaries, and trusting what you feel.

I’m Katy Rivers.

I write about emotional clarity, boundaries, and self-trust - especially for people who’ve spent too long shrinking, over-explaining, or trying to earn safety in relationships. This space is for learning how to choose yourself without guilt and feel at home in who you are.