🌸Rest Isn’t Laziness When You’ve Been Carrying Everyone
💕 By Katy Rivers
Rest isn’t laziness — it’s what happens when you finally stop carrying everything.
You can tell when a woman has been carrying too much.
Not because she’s loud about it.
But because she’s quiet in the places she used to feel alive.
She answers texts fast.
She remembers everyone’s needs.
She keeps the household moving.
She checks in. She shows up. She “handles it.”
And then—when there’s finally a gap in the day—she crashes.
Not because she’s lazy.
Because her nervous system has been holding up a whole world.
Somewhere along the way, we got taught that rest has to be earned.
Like peace is a reward for finishing everything…
and if you’re still tired, it must mean you’re doing something wrong.
But listen:
Rest isn’t laziness when you’ve been carrying everyone.
Rest is your body asking to come back home.
Why rest feels “wrong” when you’re the one who carries things
If you’re the reliable one, rest can feel uncomfortable.
Not because you don’t want it—because you don’t feel safe in it.
When you’ve been the emotional planner, the fixer, the strong one…
your system gets addicted to tension.
So when you stop moving, your brain starts spinning:
“I should be doing something.”
“I’m falling behind.”
“I don’t deserve to rest yet.”
“If I relax, everything will fall apart.”
But that voice isn’t truth.
It’s conditioning.
It’s the old version of you that survived by staying useful.
The kind of self-care most women actually need
Not the performative kind.
Not the “buy a new candle and pretend you’re fine” kind.
I mean the kind that gives you your mind back.
The kind that says:
I’m allowed to pause without apologizing.
I’m allowed to breathe without explaining.
I’m allowed to take up space in my own life.
Sometimes the most healing thing isn’t a perfect morning routine.
Sometimes it’s getting in your car and driving with no agenda.
A long drive can be a reset button you don’t have to justify:
You’re alone, but not lonely
You’re moving, but not performing
You’re thinking, but not spiraling
You’re letting the day loosen its grip on you
It’s not “running away.”
It’s reclaiming yourself.
A gentle truth: you don’t need permission
If nobody has told you lately, I will:
You don’t need to wait until you’re burnt out to rest.
You don’t need to earn peace by suffering first.
You don’t need a breakdown to justify a break.
You’re allowed to take care of yourself before you collapse.
Because a woman who is well-rested isn’t selfish—she’s powerful.
The “Long Drive Reset”
A practical self-care ritual you can do this week (step-by-step)
This isn’t about gaslighting yourself into positivity.
This is about giving your nervous system a signal:
“I’m safe now. I’m allowed to slow down.”
Step 1: Pick a time window (30–90 minutes).
Put it on your calendar like an appointment.
Name it something simple: “Reset Drive.”
Not “me time if I deserve it.” Just Reset Drive.
Step 2: Decide your one boundary before you leave.
Choose one:
Phone on Do Not Disturb
No errands allowed
No calls (unless it’s an emergency contact)
No “quick stop” for anyone else
This is what turns a drive into self-care.
Step 3: Choose a destination that doesn’t require performance.
Examples:
a scenic loop
a waterfront / overlook
a quiet parking lot with a view
a coffee shop you can sit in without rushing
a bookstore
a familiar neighborhood you love driving through
If you don’t know where to go, just choose a direction and let yourself wander.
Step 4: Use the “three-song rule.”
For the first three songs, you don’t fix your life.
You don’t plan.
You don’t analyze relationships.
You just breathe and let your shoulders drop.
If your mind keeps racing, that’s okay—keep driving gently anyway.
Step 5: Ask yourself these two questions (out loud if you can).
“What have I been carrying that isn’t mine?”
“What would it look like to give myself 10% more softness this week?”
No big answers needed. Just honest ones.
Step 6: Do one tiny act of self-love before you go home.
Pick one:
buy yourself a drink you actually enjoy
take a 10-minute walk
sit in the car and watch the sky
text one friend: “I needed a reset. I’m okay.”
write one sentence in your notes app: “I’m proud of me for pausing.”
This is the part that teaches your body: rest is allowed.
Step 7: Bring one boundary back with you.
When you return, don’t jump straight into serving everyone.
Choose one small boundary for the next 2 hours:
no problem-solving
no cleaning spree
no emotional labor
no explaining yourself
just dinner, a shower, and quiet
That’s not laziness. That’s recovery.
If you feel guilty… read this twice
The guilt you feel when you rest is usually proof that you needed rest sooner.
You were never meant to be the support beam for everyone’s life.
You’re allowed to be cared for too.
Even by you.
Your CTA
This week, schedule one “Reset Drive.”
Put it on the calendar now—pick a day and a window.
Then commit to the one boundary: no errands, no calls, no guilt.
And if you want to make it real, do this:
Write a note to yourself and save it:
“Rest is not laziness. It’s how I come back to myself.”
You deserve peace that doesn’t have to be earned.
You deserve a life that feels softer.
And you deserve to come home to you—again and again.
💕 — Katy Rivers
💕 By Katy Rivers